Good Days
Well, I thought I would take a minute from adding scholarships to the Honors webpage, just to write a little note to let you all know how readjustment has been so far. I will first begin by saying, not so good! I always knew it would be hard for me. I like routine and comfort; I find lots of safety there. However, now, I am out routine, practice, and a little uncomfortable at times. As a result, anxious is a good way to describe my transition back to the states.
I have found it really hard to relax. I go home from work, and I think about what I should be doing. Most of the time I can't get through a 30 minute sitcom without feeling like I am forgetting something with my classes or life in general. When I have several things to do in one day, I feel overwhelmed and dreadful. I am not use to this much activity planned for one day. Today is one of those days. I work, see friends at lunch, go to a meeting for a class, go to class, and then home. Where I will probably obsess about not studying for a test that is a week and half away.
For those of you who don't remember. I never studied for a test more than 2 days before it before moving to Spain, but it's this out of practice business that feeds the feeling of inadequacy. I feel quite inadequate here, which is so ironic because when I was in Spain all I could think was, "Man, I miss America because I felt efficient and inteligent there." That is no longer the case.
Moving overseas and living there broke any reality that I had created here. I truly feel like I don't officially have a home yet. I deeply desire to move back to the one place that broke me. I want to be back in Europe, so that's the plan. Survive. Do well. Achieve. Then, I can live.
I watched The Pursuit of Happyness last night and it reminded me that life is hard, but you overcome. Like Gardens in the movie, I would call this time in my life "running." I am trying to pursue the one thing that will benefit my future by finishing my masters and keep the integrity of my word by finishing it. I said I would do it. What more is there?! No matter how hard or overwhelmed I get. Don't get me wrong, I am not having to sleep in a bathroom stall (He has to do that because he loses his apartment.) but most nights I am exhausted just from trying to study, relate, learn, grow, and overcome my fears.
Coming back is hard, but I have to say I find joy in days like today and yesterday. The weather uplifts me. As the humidity disappears and the crispness of fall moves in I am overjoyed. Fall is my all time favorite season, and I have missed it for two years. I take joy in knowing I can have that this year. Although, yesterday I longed for a sidewalk cafe with spanish cafe and my friends speaking in spanish. That probably would have gotten me off the couch, but the glass of sweet tea was just as great as I sat in my house with the fans and windows open. It was a good day!
I have found it really hard to relax. I go home from work, and I think about what I should be doing. Most of the time I can't get through a 30 minute sitcom without feeling like I am forgetting something with my classes or life in general. When I have several things to do in one day, I feel overwhelmed and dreadful. I am not use to this much activity planned for one day. Today is one of those days. I work, see friends at lunch, go to a meeting for a class, go to class, and then home. Where I will probably obsess about not studying for a test that is a week and half away.
For those of you who don't remember. I never studied for a test more than 2 days before it before moving to Spain, but it's this out of practice business that feeds the feeling of inadequacy. I feel quite inadequate here, which is so ironic because when I was in Spain all I could think was, "Man, I miss America because I felt efficient and inteligent there." That is no longer the case.
Moving overseas and living there broke any reality that I had created here. I truly feel like I don't officially have a home yet. I deeply desire to move back to the one place that broke me. I want to be back in Europe, so that's the plan. Survive. Do well. Achieve. Then, I can live.
I watched The Pursuit of Happyness last night and it reminded me that life is hard, but you overcome. Like Gardens in the movie, I would call this time in my life "running." I am trying to pursue the one thing that will benefit my future by finishing my masters and keep the integrity of my word by finishing it. I said I would do it. What more is there?! No matter how hard or overwhelmed I get. Don't get me wrong, I am not having to sleep in a bathroom stall (He has to do that because he loses his apartment.) but most nights I am exhausted just from trying to study, relate, learn, grow, and overcome my fears.
Coming back is hard, but I have to say I find joy in days like today and yesterday. The weather uplifts me. As the humidity disappears and the crispness of fall moves in I am overjoyed. Fall is my all time favorite season, and I have missed it for two years. I take joy in knowing I can have that this year. Although, yesterday I longed for a sidewalk cafe with spanish cafe and my friends speaking in spanish. That probably would have gotten me off the couch, but the glass of sweet tea was just as great as I sat in my house with the fans and windows open. It was a good day!
posted by Jess at
9:39 AM
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