Well Hello!

This morning someone reminded me that I haven't updated my blog, so as a result, I decided to get right on that. Moslty just to update you all on my life. I have been making decisions left and right. Its incredible what seasons do to people. Winter is always a time of enduring and Spring seems to be a time of renewal. That has been my spring so far.

I just realized how much I love life right now. Of course, I am still struggling to motivate myself to finish the race called a Masters of Education, which will come to and end May 10th. (Still, I have to write one more paper in June, but no more class!) However, I feel truly blessed. I have wonderful friends, and a very supportive family.

As for my friends, you all know who you are, they make everyday here in fayetteville, so much fun. I get excited when we are all together, and I am grateful for the community. Of course in May after our awesome trip to Vegas, we will all start spreading out over the country and some going overseas, which is why every night I try not to miss an opportunity to hang out.

As for me, I graduate May, but I am still in Fayetteville until the end of July. However, I have 3 amazing trips to look forward to. The first is the Vegas trip, which we are going for a week, just to hang out and have some fun after a long semester. Second, I am headed with a church group to Reynosa, Mexico to work in a orphanage for a week, which I am so excited about. THIRD, I am headed to Guatemala for 10 days with a church from NW Arkansas to serve the people of Guatemala. I have to raise like $1,400 to cover these trips, but God is faithful in all things! If you are interested in joining my support team, I would be happy to have you behind me! Then, August 18th, I move to Germany for a while to figure out the next steps for me. I have been considering Officer Training School with the Air Force, so I have started the application process there. I know God will lead me in the right direction. I just figure I should keep moving forward, and if I am to be an officer in the Air Force, it will work itself out.

Lastly, my brother officially lives in Germany as of yesterday, and it was hard to see him go. But, the joy came in knowing that he is where he is suppose to be and that is hugely freeing for his wife, daughter, and coming soon, son Ethan. I can't wait to get over there to help them settle in, and introduce them to my favorite place, Europe!

Keep me posted on y'alls life. And if you want to be apart of my support team, let me know! GOD BLESS AND MUCH LOVE!

Finished!

Well, I have finally finished what has been the hardest semester of my college career. Now, please understand the classes weren't that tough, (Well, maybe Statistics) but it was a semester of such shock! I have been so out of practice, and I just had no motivation. I think this semester, I just realized, I have no idea what I want to do, and my Master's degree is so specific. I just keep thinking, 'its always a good idea to have a master's.' Knowing that, helped me some days and others nothing helped. I would drag myself to get things done. I wish you all could have seen me study for my statistics exam. At one point, I really did get in bed and cover up saying, "I dont want to do it anymore!" It was a sad state of affairs, and kind of makes me laugh at how pitiful I am! haha!

Anywho, I am fine. I got it done, and now, I am one semester and a paper away from finishing. Praise the Lord!! Then, who knows!! All I know is I am going on a mission trip with my friend Julia to Mexico for 10 days to work in an orphanage. It makes me so excited to be a part of a team again! I can't believe it! I have to raise $375, but after Spain, I trust God will provide! Then, I am off to Germany for a few months at least. My brother leaves in April, and I know it is going to take everything I have to keep myself from buying a ticket and heading over with them.

I miss Europe!! I watch movies about it, and everytime I see something in Europe everyone knows if I have been there or if I want to go there. I think my roommate is tired of hearing about all the places I have seen. Although, most days it all feels like a dream! I can't believe I got to live there!

Now, I am looking forward to going home for Christmas. My mom got so excited about me having 3 weeks to spend at home for Christmas. Its definitely a perk of being a student. Once I start a realy job, I will just get 2 or 3 days. All I can say to that is, 'BOOOO.' Because my mom's house is so great! I look forward to the fireplace!

I wish my house in Fayetteville had a fireplace. Our thermostat doesnt work properly, so most days we manually turn it on and off because it stays on too long when you leave it alone. With gas prices, that is not an option. However, the cold here is tough but nothing compares to my apartment last year. Sifra and Melina, you guys are troopers!! I FROZE last year. Now, only a couple of times have my hands turned blue. HAHA! Janell told me she would buy me some gloves. Isn't she great! ;)

Well tomorrow, I head to work again, but I have the rest of the day after to do whatever I want without even thinking about studying or reading. Its a good feeling! One more semester to go...

NOPE!

Now, I dont want to update the title and information on my blog. I am too sentimental for that, so in case you didn't know. I dont live in Spain anymore, but I am NOT changing it! :)

Happy Post!

Well, today's post is a generally happy post. I am happy! We won't count the amount of sugar from the root beer I am currently drinking (I try not to drink sodas) and the caffeine from my usual cup of coffee this morning. I am in a good mood today! I just feel so happy to have people in my life who motivate me and teach me about the reasons we are here. Community for me is so important.

That is why I think it is so hard to let go of Spain because my friendships there were some of the most profound friendships I have ever had, but God is allowing me to find those again. Now, (not putting Americans down...ha!) friendships in America are really for seasons. We are a very busy people. We never know where we will be, and we generally make friendships knowing it wont be the same forever. We are terrible at keeping in touch! While in Spain, they are for life, which makes me so happy that I have international friendships that will always be there. How great! [ Sam, sabes que en el futuro voy a quedarme en tu casa hasta estas harto de mi! Tienes que aceptarlo!! ]

Eventhough I have a long night of studying Legal aspects, and I have to go drop millions on groceries at Wal-mart; I am happy. Today at work, I realized all the opportunities to make a difference in the world. I love my job. I look up grants, scholarships, fellowships, and volunteer opportunities worldwide. I think everyday I daydream about something else I could do with my life. Now, I won't go into how overwhelming it sometimes seems in figuring out the future because this is a happy post, but for real, someone told me, "its pretty incredible when you figure out you can do anything and go anywhere in the world." I am beginning to understand that and trying not to let it take over my life. I just need to live in the moment and enjoy the community that surrounds me.

I have such a desire for adventure, but I can't pass up on great moments like today when no matter what happens in the future my life sort of seems to make sense. Now, tonight when I start to study legal, we will see how long the "making sense business" really stands. Let's just say, my ability to learn things quickly has left me. When I put that other language in my brain, I think I ran out of space for new information! So sad, I can't get rid of the senseless things in there like the lyrics to Ice Ice Baby...

Debbie Downer?! Who me?

Well, everyone, I decided to write again tonight mosty because I was feeling a little down and it is a little therapeutic for me to write. However, for many of you who read this, it seems I am at the throws of an all out emotional breakdown. Well, I am not. I have good days and bad days. If you want to see me get excited just mention the fall season, carving pumpkins, fireplaces, christmas lights, and the new seasons of televisions shows.

These were things I missed. Fall season is my favorite of all time. It really is above spring. When I was in Spain getting through that time there was the hardest. I remember last year I started watching Christmas movies in October because I needed to forget that I was missing fall. From Mid october to January 1, I am a happy person.

Right now, I am just facing questions of what I want out of life. I have thought about this alot! Right now, I really want to move to Europe. I want to be near my brother and his wife whom have the sweetest baby girl ever, who by the way makes me laugh on purpose she will do things and then look at me to see if I laugh at her. She is only 6 months old (that kid just gets me. Its crazy!) Plus, I want to learn languages. I want to work in a setting where they will teach me languages and let me translate and speak them daily. Spanish, French, German (possibly) are the top ones on the list. I am afraid of German because it is not a latin based language but it will be a good challenge for me I think.

I love the thrill of it. I love hearing the words and immediately perking up to listen to decipher what language and what was said that is of course when it is spanish. Man I love that language. I love that I have lived in a country that taught me that language. It is special to me.

I guess this touches my passion. I love the vastness of the world languages, culture, and people. I love it so much I daydream about where I will be in 10 years. I love the idea that I could go anywhere. I never knew this about myself but there is an adventurer somewhere deep inside of me that is dying to break free of the duties I have here to roam. Right now, I ask myself about settling down, and I really feel thats what my 30's will be for. As for right now, I look forward to where I go next.

I think the reason I have found myself the Debbie Downer so many try to avoid is because I realize Fayetteville is not the place I use to think I would move to and live forever. Arkansas is not that place anymore either. It is weird to realize the place you called home for 98% of your life no longer represents that to you. In a way, it is a form of grief, and I think for me it is a matter of understanding that grief and learning that this is for a short time. With good does come a little bad, and my best preparation for what comes next usually serves me best when it comes in the form of transition or brokenness. So in my "downer" moments just let them pass because I will have some good moments to come. They will probably begin when fall hits or when The Office and Grey's Anatomy start! haha Let's see where my priorities are...

Good Days

Well, I thought I would take a minute from adding scholarships to the Honors webpage, just to write a little note to let you all know how readjustment has been so far. I will first begin by saying, not so good! I always knew it would be hard for me. I like routine and comfort; I find lots of safety there. However, now, I am out routine, practice, and a little uncomfortable at times. As a result, anxious is a good way to describe my transition back to the states.

I have found it really hard to relax. I go home from work, and I think about what I should be doing. Most of the time I can't get through a 30 minute sitcom without feeling like I am forgetting something with my classes or life in general. When I have several things to do in one day, I feel overwhelmed and dreadful. I am not use to this much activity planned for one day. Today is one of those days. I work, see friends at lunch, go to a meeting for a class, go to class, and then home. Where I will probably obsess about not studying for a test that is a week and half away.

For those of you who don't remember. I never studied for a test more than 2 days before it before moving to Spain, but it's this out of practice business that feeds the feeling of inadequacy. I feel quite inadequate here, which is so ironic because when I was in Spain all I could think was, "Man, I miss America because I felt efficient and inteligent there." That is no longer the case.

Moving overseas and living there broke any reality that I had created here. I truly feel like I don't officially have a home yet. I deeply desire to move back to the one place that broke me. I want to be back in Europe, so that's the plan. Survive. Do well. Achieve. Then, I can live.

I watched The Pursuit of Happyness last night and it reminded me that life is hard, but you overcome. Like Gardens in the movie, I would call this time in my life "running." I am trying to pursue the one thing that will benefit my future by finishing my masters and keep the integrity of my word by finishing it. I said I would do it. What more is there?! No matter how hard or overwhelmed I get. Don't get me wrong, I am not having to sleep in a bathroom stall (He has to do that because he loses his apartment.) but most nights I am exhausted just from trying to study, relate, learn, grow, and overcome my fears.

Coming back is hard, but I have to say I find joy in days like today and yesterday. The weather uplifts me. As the humidity disappears and the crispness of fall moves in I am overjoyed. Fall is my all time favorite season, and I have missed it for two years. I take joy in knowing I can have that this year. Although, yesterday I longed for a sidewalk cafe with spanish cafe and my friends speaking in spanish. That probably would have gotten me off the couch, but the glass of sweet tea was just as great as I sat in my house with the fans and windows open. It was a good day!

My 8 Facts as requested by Kat

The Rules:
1. I have to post these rules before I give you the facts.
2. Each player starts with eight random facts/habits about themselves.
3. People who are tagged need to write their own blog (about their eight things) and post these rules. (**if you’re a non-blogger, you can email them!)
4. At the end of your blog, you need to choose eight people to get tagged and list their names.
5. Don’t forget to leave them a comment telling them they’re tagged, and to read your blog

My 8 Facts...

1. I come from a large multicultural family, and everyday I am amazed by how much they have and continue to influence my outlook on life.

2. I have a deep rooted fear of forgetting things. To name a few things I am afraid I will forget Spanish (something I have wanted to learn my whole life!), friends, and school assignments. Everyday I go to class, I get anxious that I forgot something or I did it wrong. Then, I will disapoint others or let myself down for being retarded that I forgot plans, assignments, or something I could do well but have lost the ability.

3. I need order and routine to feel like I belong somewhere. For example, before I can cook, study, or watch tv things have to be in their place, and weirdly enough I hate it when the kitchen or bathroom faucet have water spots. That's always the first to get cleaned after the dishes are washed of course. Plus, I for real have to be able to see where everything in the house is in my head. I can't stand those piles of things that are just a mess of stuff. It makes me nervous to think I have lost something in them. I love getting rid of unnecessary things!

4. I like alone time sometimes too much.

5. I have a lot of irrational fears like clowns and that someone is going to break in before I can get to the door to lock it.

6. I watch the same shows over and over again. It totally doesnt bother me if I know the outcome. Most of the time I will cheat just to know how it ends because I can't stand not knowing what will happen. This is evident how I read the last pages of books at the beginning and I read online what is going to happen in shows. That's right I am a cheater.

7. I get really frustrated because I can't drink things with caffeine without losing the ability to sleep, and it always makes my hands tingle. I wish I was normal, and I wasn't so sensitve to everything I eat or drink.

8. Lastly, I am very directed person. Once I make my mind up to do something I do it! Sometimes I am a little impulsive about it, and I will settle because I need to finish something. For example, I tried to learn to sew, but I just couldn't leave it to finish for the next day. So I stayed up late working on it, and ended up getting so tired I made mistakes and it turned out to be lopsided. So I can't start something I can't finish.

Now the people I want to do this are tough because I think who will actually do it!....I will post that later...

'Bout Time!

Well, I have fallen pray to the awful laziness of never updating my blog. When I was in Spain, I hated it when people didn't update their blogs. Oh how I hated it! Now, I am back in America, and I am just as "busy," just as frantic, and updating people is the least of my priorities. I now understand you all. However, I don't feel empathetic. ha! I just feel like I have failed myself. I don't want to get to busy to communicate with people, but here it is so easy!!

Now, getting back to the update. First of all, I have to say it is weird to write, "When I was in Spain..." Actually in this moment, I hate it. I am not adjusting as well as I had hoped. Now, everyone always says it takes time, and as time goes by it gets easier. The problem is I hate time. The farther I get from being in Spain, the tougher it is. I am afraid I will forget it. As a result, I am fighting against time healing. This is why I think severe reverse culture shock hits a month or two in. This is because you are beginning to forget it.

However, I have been back a week. In that week, I have gone home and visited my family; partially moved into my house; and started work. I am a true American, taking no time to rest. However, this is suppose to help me move on, but when I look down at my feet and see my leftover blisters from the Camino, I know this is not readjusting like I had planned.

Oooooh I haven't updated about the Camino. How incredible was the Camino! We walked for 8 days 121 miles, climbing for two days. Most days, I really didn't think I would make it to the end. I was physically, emotionally, and spiritually exhausted. It was a representation of my walk with God over the last two years I lived in Spain.

Then beginning was incredibly difficult! I hurt everywhere, and didn't want to finish it. I had to pray for God to give me endurance to make it. In the middle, I started getting use to it, but it was still difficult, and moments, I didn't want to go. Finally, we finished with a huge celebration. It was incredible with the best fireworks show I have seen in my life. In Spain, this was my life. In the beginning I HATED it. Every minute, and every step pained me more and more. Then, I trusted God and kept going, which I started to get use to it. Then, boom! All of a sudden there was enjoying the best experience of my life (to this date of course). I just feel blessed that I finally got it! I finally understood what all that "climbing" was about.

I overcame so much, and the Camino was the perfect way to end this specific experience. It is so difficult to leave because I know it will never be the same again. I will never work on the exact same team, in the exact same city, surrounded by the exact same friends. Things change, and this is why I hold on so tightly to Spain. I loved who I became there.

I hope I can continue to grow like I did when I was in Spain. I know the tests won't be the same, but they will be as gratifying if I can pay attention to what Christ is trying to tell me. I keep telling myself to live in the moment, which is something I learned in my two years in Spain.

There is still so much I have left out, but I had to at least give you something. I mean I hadn't updated in almost 2 months. This to me is a disappointment especially for people who love blogs as much as I do!