Welcome to my world!
As I sit here in my 5℃ bedroom wishing this place had heat, I am grateful for the 40 minute walk I just had to get home because it has warmed me for at least 15 minutes while I write. Then, slowly, I will begin to add clothing...2 pairs of socks, the third long sleeve shirt, fleece pants, and of course the very last straw is the oversized sweatshirt on the back of my desk chair. Basically, its cold my friends. Spanish apartments are made with wall to wall marble floors, which are amazing in the summer when it is almost 40℃. However, in the winter, not so wonderful. I just think, this is the closest to suffering physically, besides the monthly cold showers when our gas runs out, as I can get here in Europe.
I have just been thinking a lot in the world that surrounds me. The facts of the situation, and also, the truth to the situation. For instance, tonight, I have homework to do. One part, which included watching a movie in Spanish at the Theater. Then, writing a 2 page summary on it all in the past tense. Lastly, I have to finish up some exercises on Articles, which they use in practically every sentence. This is my world. A world of studying, seeing movies alone, and walking alot.
Of course, there is the part of ministry, but somehow this year, I have been pushed out a little. I think Agape Spain has begun to understand that the ways of the stinter are a very distant memory. For those of you who don't know, I am the last stinter to southern Spain. It has materialized more as not being invited to Spain conferences, which I completely understand. Why use up the space, money, and time for someone who's time here is very limited? All of this to say, it has made me question the job at hand because I have begun to feel more like a glorified study abroad student, who just can't travel as much because I have work to do.
Now, of course these are the facts of my world, but not the TRUTH of my world. I have found that in my time here in Spain, there is a very deep part of me that is beginning to see the Questions of life God has raised for me. In the situation, He is revealing my necesity for Him, and in that, I can feel the deep ache and loss of the people that surround me here. This part of world that I am apart of is one of the hardest grounds I have ever experienced. Plus, I see the infinite distractions to my service to God. Just a longing for wall to wall carpet and a fireplace can send me in a tailspin for things of this world that aparently seem more important than the enduring love of Christ. The longing to stay in bed because I don't want to brave the cold apartment and 40 minute walk into town because somewhere along the way, I started to believe it was useless. This is not the life Christ intended. He intended for their to be great joy along with the sorrow. I should celebrate the Life He has chosen for me, and I am beginning to see where I lack the ability to do this on my own.
Currently, in my apartment there is a three generation representation of missionaries. My roommate Melina, her grandparents are Brasilian missionaries to Spain. My roommate Sifra, her parents are American missionaries to Spain. Then, there is me, the child who is the missionary to Spain. Incredible once you really think about it. Of course, Melina's amazing prophetic Grandmother pointed this out to another brasilian woman who stayed with us this weekend. In the end, the brasilian woman couldn't believe it. As all three of us sat there shaking our heads in agreement that it is true. Then, I walked away bewildered by this obvious truth. God is working here. He has called so many to this place. There is such a need for hope and joy in not only our lives, but in the lives of Spaniards.
I have just been thinking a lot in the world that surrounds me. The facts of the situation, and also, the truth to the situation. For instance, tonight, I have homework to do. One part, which included watching a movie in Spanish at the Theater. Then, writing a 2 page summary on it all in the past tense. Lastly, I have to finish up some exercises on Articles, which they use in practically every sentence. This is my world. A world of studying, seeing movies alone, and walking alot.
Of course, there is the part of ministry, but somehow this year, I have been pushed out a little. I think Agape Spain has begun to understand that the ways of the stinter are a very distant memory. For those of you who don't know, I am the last stinter to southern Spain. It has materialized more as not being invited to Spain conferences, which I completely understand. Why use up the space, money, and time for someone who's time here is very limited? All of this to say, it has made me question the job at hand because I have begun to feel more like a glorified study abroad student, who just can't travel as much because I have work to do.
Now, of course these are the facts of my world, but not the TRUTH of my world. I have found that in my time here in Spain, there is a very deep part of me that is beginning to see the Questions of life God has raised for me. In the situation, He is revealing my necesity for Him, and in that, I can feel the deep ache and loss of the people that surround me here. This part of world that I am apart of is one of the hardest grounds I have ever experienced. Plus, I see the infinite distractions to my service to God. Just a longing for wall to wall carpet and a fireplace can send me in a tailspin for things of this world that aparently seem more important than the enduring love of Christ. The longing to stay in bed because I don't want to brave the cold apartment and 40 minute walk into town because somewhere along the way, I started to believe it was useless. This is not the life Christ intended. He intended for their to be great joy along with the sorrow. I should celebrate the Life He has chosen for me, and I am beginning to see where I lack the ability to do this on my own.
Currently, in my apartment there is a three generation representation of missionaries. My roommate Melina, her grandparents are Brasilian missionaries to Spain. My roommate Sifra, her parents are American missionaries to Spain. Then, there is me, the child who is the missionary to Spain. Incredible once you really think about it. Of course, Melina's amazing prophetic Grandmother pointed this out to another brasilian woman who stayed with us this weekend. In the end, the brasilian woman couldn't believe it. As all three of us sat there shaking our heads in agreement that it is true. Then, I walked away bewildered by this obvious truth. God is working here. He has called so many to this place. There is such a need for hope and joy in not only our lives, but in the lives of Spaniards.
posted by Jess at
3:59 PM
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