¿Que pasa cuando el viento sopla?
Well, I figured it was time for an update. I am not sure exactly what to update everyone on because I guess I could say, I am in a very pensive mood. You know the kind of mood where everything seems very profound. For example, walking home from Garrick and Dziu’s apartment, the wind blew, which prompted all these different thoughts of the future, the direction of my life, and my purpose for being here.
Lately, I have been dealing with frustration in ministry. We have been ministering to this one guy for the past year. We had so much hope for him, and then, we heard things about his character that aren’t good. For me, it is a blow to the stomach. To invest in people is one of the hardest jobs because God can only change people. We can’t do it!
I have been praying that God would give me contentment even in times when I feel I have failed, but the realization came to me, as I was walking in the wind of course, it was never my job to change him. I am not here to change people, I am here to be a witness, and let God do the work.
It is difficult for someone who expects results, but that is another thing about ministry. It is a job without wins and losses, without achievement. It is a job with lack of control and no measurement of success. God is the only true measure, and believe me, He doesn’t have an evaluation sheet that He sits down and shares with those of us working in ministry.
Bringing me back to my question, what am I doing here?
Although, I must say, I know that God has stretched me. He has brought me to a place where at first I couldn´t communicate at all and would get frustrated by the minute with the culture. Now, I take it in stride. I enjoy my daily walks which in total amount to about 3 hours of walking aday. Lots of time to think! Also, I revel in the moments when I understand whats going on and find comfort in the thought of being here. The food has saved my health because there is not a fast food restaurant on every corner, and the best part is I am learning to cook things from scratch!
The other day, I seriously said that you can´t make a cake without Duncan Hines! Then, of course my roommate looked at me, and laughed in my face!! Then, I realized how conditioned and ridiculous I have become with conveniences. It makes me excited to cook. The other day, I fried stuff. Never done that before. (sad, I know!!) AND I made pancakes from scratch! I was so excited and they tasted good. I like this freedom that comes with complete and utter humility. I am the oldest in my apartment by 4 years but these girls are teaching me more and more than I ever could teach them.
I am here in complete and utter submission because I have no choice. I am by no means self sufficient in many areas but daily God teaches me something more and more useful than the day before. He is pretty great, and provides by leaps and bounds. I guess that answers my question. I am not here to better His kingdom, I am here so He can better my world.
Lately, I have been dealing with frustration in ministry. We have been ministering to this one guy for the past year. We had so much hope for him, and then, we heard things about his character that aren’t good. For me, it is a blow to the stomach. To invest in people is one of the hardest jobs because God can only change people. We can’t do it!
I have been praying that God would give me contentment even in times when I feel I have failed, but the realization came to me, as I was walking in the wind of course, it was never my job to change him. I am not here to change people, I am here to be a witness, and let God do the work.
It is difficult for someone who expects results, but that is another thing about ministry. It is a job without wins and losses, without achievement. It is a job with lack of control and no measurement of success. God is the only true measure, and believe me, He doesn’t have an evaluation sheet that He sits down and shares with those of us working in ministry.
Bringing me back to my question, what am I doing here?
Although, I must say, I know that God has stretched me. He has brought me to a place where at first I couldn´t communicate at all and would get frustrated by the minute with the culture. Now, I take it in stride. I enjoy my daily walks which in total amount to about 3 hours of walking aday. Lots of time to think! Also, I revel in the moments when I understand whats going on and find comfort in the thought of being here. The food has saved my health because there is not a fast food restaurant on every corner, and the best part is I am learning to cook things from scratch!
The other day, I seriously said that you can´t make a cake without Duncan Hines! Then, of course my roommate looked at me, and laughed in my face!! Then, I realized how conditioned and ridiculous I have become with conveniences. It makes me excited to cook. The other day, I fried stuff. Never done that before. (sad, I know!!) AND I made pancakes from scratch! I was so excited and they tasted good. I like this freedom that comes with complete and utter humility. I am the oldest in my apartment by 4 years but these girls are teaching me more and more than I ever could teach them.
I am here in complete and utter submission because I have no choice. I am by no means self sufficient in many areas but daily God teaches me something more and more useful than the day before. He is pretty great, and provides by leaps and bounds. I guess that answers my question. I am not here to better His kingdom, I am here so He can better my world.
posted by Jess at
3:46 PM
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