In His Hands!

Well the goodbyes are starting. December is usually the time for the first batch of students from America to begin leaving and returning to the States. It is the norm so apart of you is prepared not to get to attached because you realize they will be gone before you know it. Then, the new batch of students come through in February. Then, you start the process all over again of recruiting them to help with English classes and such.

However, there is one case that saddens me. One of our students, Alexi-the french guy, whom we have been praying for since last February is leaving us. Quite abruptly. He came last year to finish his last year of his degree. Then, once he returned back to France in May, he decided that he wanted to come back, so he postponed the inevitable job hunting to move back to Granada to hang out with us. He had always planned to move back to France because his parents didnt want him to live here in a city where finding employment is almost as impossible as finding a needle in a haystack. Well, last week, he went back to France for an interview. He expected it to take 2 months for them to make a decision because here in Europe that is the usual time frame, which would give him one more month here with us. However, they offered him the job on the spot. So we went from having a month to continue our ministry to 5 days.

It is hard for me. I have been praying for Him for 7 months, and just when I feel we are so close this happens. Plus, he was one of those students who we knew would always be there. This just makes it harder because for me apart of me knows it will be very rare to see him again; eventhough he has planned his next return. I just know what it feels like to see someone so close, and then to be left guessing what happens. I know God's plan is perfect, and eventhough my time here is very temporal the attachments are real, and I want to know I will see my friends again in Heaven. Of course, it is left in His hands. I just know that I am called to pray.

Welcome to my world!

As I sit here in my 5℃ bedroom wishing this place had heat, I am grateful for the 40 minute walk I just had to get home because it has warmed me for at least 15 minutes while I write. Then, slowly, I will begin to add clothing...2 pairs of socks, the third long sleeve shirt, fleece pants, and of course the very last straw is the oversized sweatshirt on the back of my desk chair. Basically, its cold my friends. Spanish apartments are made with wall to wall marble floors, which are amazing in the summer when it is almost 40℃. However, in the winter, not so wonderful. I just think, this is the closest to suffering physically, besides the monthly cold showers when our gas runs out, as I can get here in Europe.

I have just been thinking a lot in the world that surrounds me. The facts of the situation, and also, the truth to the situation. For instance, tonight, I have homework to do. One part, which included watching a movie in Spanish at the Theater. Then, writing a 2 page summary on it all in the past tense. Lastly, I have to finish up some exercises on Articles, which they use in practically every sentence. This is my world. A world of studying, seeing movies alone, and walking alot.

Of course, there is the part of ministry, but somehow this year, I have been pushed out a little. I think Agape Spain has begun to understand that the ways of the stinter are a very distant memory. For those of you who don't know, I am the last stinter to southern Spain. It has materialized more as not being invited to Spain conferences, which I completely understand. Why use up the space, money, and time for someone who's time here is very limited? All of this to say, it has made me question the job at hand because I have begun to feel more like a glorified study abroad student, who just can't travel as much because I have work to do.

Now, of course these are the facts of my world, but not the TRUTH of my world. I have found that in my time here in Spain, there is a very deep part of me that is beginning to see the Questions of life God has raised for me. In the situation, He is revealing my necesity for Him, and in that, I can feel the deep ache and loss of the people that surround me here. This part of world that I am apart of is one of the hardest grounds I have ever experienced. Plus, I see the infinite distractions to my service to God. Just a longing for wall to wall carpet and a fireplace can send me in a tailspin for things of this world that aparently seem more important than the enduring love of Christ. The longing to stay in bed because I don't want to brave the cold apartment and 40 minute walk into town because somewhere along the way, I started to believe it was useless. This is not the life Christ intended. He intended for their to be great joy along with the sorrow. I should celebrate the Life He has chosen for me, and I am beginning to see where I lack the ability to do this on my own.

Currently, in my apartment there is a three generation representation of missionaries. My roommate Melina, her grandparents are Brasilian missionaries to Spain. My roommate Sifra, her parents are American missionaries to Spain. Then, there is me, the child who is the missionary to Spain. Incredible once you really think about it. Of course, Melina's amazing prophetic Grandmother pointed this out to another brasilian woman who stayed with us this weekend. In the end, the brasilian woman couldn't believe it. As all three of us sat there shaking our heads in agreement that it is true. Then, I walked away bewildered by this obvious truth. God is working here. He has called so many to this place. There is such a need for hope and joy in not only our lives, but in the lives of Spaniards.

My first exam!

Well everyone, I am an official student these days. I had my first exam today in my spanish grammar class. I worked all weekend on rewriting my notes and woke up early (or early for me on a class day), 930 am to be exact, to study more.

It felt good. It felt like normal. Somedays I wonder if I will ever be finished studying. At this rate, I really could have been a lawyer. The only thing different is, if I were a lawyer, my experiences would be so limited to only Undergrad and Law school in America. As a result, I have one year of grad school under my belt, and two years studying in Spain a language that my entire life I have wanted to speak. Finally, I can say that I speak spanish.

God is good. These were definitely not my plans. My plans were the law school part, but this is SOOOO much better than I had planned. I still hope that He does plan for me to not have to study in a college after a little while. I am tired of the nervousness tests bring. Although, there is something oddly comforting about it.

I guess in one brief moment, I don´t have to think of the eternity set in the hearts of men, but instead, I can pray for something as small as a fill in the blank, multiple choice, essay test. Guess, I am a nerd, but I must tell you, this is the one tangible thing about my job. At the end, I get a grade that tells me that I know this language. To me, it is nice to know, I can do something well. So, I guess you could say, I feel really good about my exam.¨

Well, its hit!

Tonight, I have to write because I am feeling quite homesick. It doesn't help that this has been a big week back in the states. Last weekend 5 friends got married, and this week the Arkansas Razorbacks have continued in their amazing winning streak. So much is going on, that a part of me feels like I am missing out, and apart of me really wants to go home as soon as I can. It doesn't help that my sickness has gotten worse. Today, I wasn't able to leave the house.

I know, I am suppose to be here in Spain learning language, taking tests (I have my first test on Tuesday), and sharing Christ with others. Its just hard to be so far away from home. Not to be able to go home for another 8 months. It seems so far from now. I know that it will go by so fast. I just really hate it when I focus so much on being away from home. I feel like I miss out on so much because I have really been trying to live in the moment. To be fully here, I have strived to find my joy in Christ everyday here in Spain. It's just tough when I don't feel well.

I only write this because when I write it, it makes me feel better. Don't worry, this too shall pass. haha

I dont want to end on a bad note, so I will tell you what I just did. I am right now, watching television with my roommates. There was a television show on like SNL. They had a skit with Saddam Hussein and when the announcer welcomed him the guy playing saddam said "Hola, ca@ron." As I normally do when I watch tv when there is a word I dont know I repeat it. Well, I repeated "ca@ron" and my roommates not wanting me to feel bad just looked at eachother. Then, I realized. THAT IS A BAD WORD ISNT IT! They of course starting laughing, and I began to apologize for cussing. Welcome to my world! haha

Priceless

Hello my favorite blog friends!

I am sitting here watching the weirdest spanish tv show ever. Apparently, transvestites are normal here for a variety show. The awful, scary part is, they have beards. Eww! Anywho, I have talked my wonderful roommate into feeding my weird homesickness for the holidays by watching my third christmas movie this week. The best part is we are watching National Lampoon´s Christmas vacation. She has never seen it! Keep in mind she has lived in Spain her whole life. It brings me joy that I can introduce her to her to this American right of passage.

As for me, beside homesickness, I have come down with a cold. During the day, as I drink lots of fluids I am fine but by the end of the day, my voice turns to some kind of raspy man voice. The funny thing is, I sound like most of the old women here. Maybe if I could keep it, I could speak spanish with a true Andalucian accent. However, as I improve, my raspy voice will soon disappear. Oh well, its probably for the best, I doubt all of you back at home would enjoy me with a man voice.

I just wanted to write to update you on how I am doing. Sadly, I am homesick for Northwest Arkansas in the fall, Thanksgiving at home with a fire in the fireplace and comfy socks on Carpet, Decorating the house in Christmas lights and Christmas trees as I sit on the couch with only the ilumination from Christmas lights, watching a christmas movie or Charlie Brown's Christmas. These things are so cultural. These things are home.

Here in Spain, The leaves don´t change, they only turn brown and fall off the trees. Plus, there is no such thing as Thanksgiving nor Marshmallows on Sweet potatoes. Christmas is known as Three kings day and is celebrated on January 6th. Its not wrong just different.

Luckily, I found a ticket to Germany to visit my sis on the 5th to 12th of December for only $40. I love European travel sometimes. A little family time will do the trick or at least I hope.

These are the things I think about overseas. Sure my life is exciting. I live in Europe, I speak spanish daily, and most importantly I get to step out in faith daily. Still there is a part of me that desires the small things of comfort.

I didn´t write this so you would feel sorry for me. These are just the things I think about. So when you are enjoying that time with the family and comfy socks and a fire in the fireplace, I hope you remember to thank God for those little comforts. They are priceless.

Poker/Game night (a new tradition)

We have begun a new tradition in my house. It starts with a little pasta, cards, and good ole fun. I invited several friends over and we played some Texas Hold'em (with pasta instead of chips because I didnt have any), Spoons, and another card game that has a less than nice name lets just say it involves presidents. Anywho, we had a great time.



This is a pic of Andrew, an american christian student studying here, Alexi, the french guy as he is so well known for, and Garrick my team leader. This pic is lacking well me, and Dziu, My co-leader and Garrick's wife, and my friend Sam, a spanish student. We were getting ready to serve cake.


This is a pic of the other games going for those who didnt want to test their poker luck. From Left to Right. Melina, my brasilian roommate, Josias, he's from Panama and his family works with Agape in Algeciras, Sifra, my other roommie, Maria, amercan student studying here, and Kileen, a american student from my class


Here is a pic of me that night. I felt bad to make someone retake a pic of all of us just so I would be in it, so I did it myself which explains the closeness. My arms are short, leave me alone!