What a night! Tonight we celebrated the birthday of my wonderful boss Dziu (Pronounced Z-U). It was a great time. We had tons of people come and spend time with us talking and celebrating her life and our friendships. I had a blast speaking in (mostly incorrect) spanish the whole night with my wonderful friends who correct me every now and then as I ramble on about how I can't wake up to songs because they play in my dream. (These were the types of conversations we had.) Basically it was a great night of fellowship and once again affirming my Affiliation (A HUGE value of mine) into the culture and friendships here in Granada.
As I sit here reminiscing of the great times and trying to remember the new spanish words I learned, which dont seem to come unless I write them down. I realize something, it is going to be a HUGE struggle for me to leave. NOW, I know, I have almost 5 months left here, and I should NOT be dwelling on these things. The only problem is, this is my nature. I know what I face at home.
I face another transition. For those of you who don't know me very well. I DONT like change. I am uncomfortable with the unfamiliar. Of course, this time is when God breaks me the most, which is why last year was such a trying time for me. I had many fights with Him on what He was doing in my life. Now, I look at my life and say, THANK YOU for knowing me better than myself.
It comes down to the fact that I would not give up my time here in Spain for anything. My heart aches for this place. I walk the streets like I belong while my amazing loving friends tell me I have "Grana-ino blood." How my heart swells whenever I am with them. The more time I spend walking the streets here watching the entire city come out when the weather is good, I realize I can call this place home. Of course, home is in Heaven, but I realize God wants us to suffer through the hard but realize the moments when His presence in us has created our very own heaven on earth.
I am in His will right now. I followed Him, and He has blessed me with a completely different point of view, a language my heart has longed to speak, and a love for another country and people. Tonight someone asked me if in July I go home "para siempre?" (Forever) All I could say, I hope not, but I have no idea.
There is just something about a place that has seen you hit your lowest spiritually, emotionally, and physically. In this city, I have found myself crying out to God to wake me from this sleep of sadness to see His heart for me here. As a result of following, He has done it, which is why it is so hard to walk away. I owned my faith here. I had to take what others had taught me and apply it to my life. I had to be a christian in a place where they laugh at us, tells us we are in cults, and openly disregard who we are. I was overlooked, laughed at, and thought to be ridiculous, but God saw me through it all. He gave me a chance to be in this world but not to conform. Now, I have people who love me! I have people who will miss me and will open their homes no matter where they are. Isn't that amazing! If I had packed up when I WANTED to, I would never know any of them.
Granada is my other home. I will always love this city. Everything about it, the way my allegies go crazy as Spring and fall come. The way people filll the street when the weather is great with their best outfits and babies dressed as dolls in carriages you only see in magazines. The way its like a parade of beautiful history and art at every turn. The way they leave things as they are- a building crumbling is still used and respected for its history, or it could be laziness. Let's say the first. The way I have to take 4 days to do laundry in the winter. The way the people pronounce things in the signature way a Granadino can. The way the city perks up right before siesta and completely changes in an hour as people begin to eat with their families. The way I learned spanish here. The way I feel as I walk through the streets knowing where all my favorite places are. The way people throw their napkins on the floor at bars and restaurants. The way I have to carry all my groceries home after shopping thus making me think carefully about what I buy. The way you can window shop all hours of the day. The way people ask me directions, and I respond in the best Accent I can possibly muster so they will think I am from here. The way they look at me when they realize I am not Spanish. The way this city has its own personality full of beauty from the mountains, palm trees, bridges, buildings, people, and SHOPPING.
I am afraid...
What if I never return? What if he asks more of me than I can give? What if I disappoint my family and friends? What if I can't honor my word? Most importantly, Why does God make me love something just to take me somewhere completely different?
I know its shocking that I have so much love for a place that I cursed last year, but its amazing what God does to our hearts when we give them up! He made me see these things and develop a heart for people I use to be afraid of. As I write this, I know deep down Christ is not done with me. He has only just begun as I trust him. However, I fear the unknown.
This is the most strong statement I think. The man is the puppet master while the woman is the puppet. Very strong meaning here.
Best group shot I could get as people kept walking in front of me. PUNKS!
This is the most strong statement I think. The man is the puppet master while the woman is the puppet. Very strong meaning here.
Best group shot I could get as people kept walking in front of me. PUNKS!
