Well, another year has passed, and I sit here and evaluate my life as we all normally do around this time. For me, it has been a year of struggle, moments of joy, and the everlasting presence of Christ. (No matter if I think he is there or not.) I do not say this next thing to make you feel sorry for me! I say it because it is the reality in which I live in. My birthday passed as another day to many people in the States. It was forgotten. I understand these things happen, and I know, I do the same thing too, so this is why I want to CLARIFY that I do not say this to make you feel bad.
As I begin to write tonight, I have been taking a deep look at my life, the struggles, the triumphs, the purpose. The more I realize I was called to die to myself. The investments we make in this life are the most important because just as it says in the Bible, where your treasure is there your heart is too. I have been asking where is my treasure? Where is my heart? The more I evaluate this question the more I realize, my heart rests solely in myself. My treasure should be Christ. My heart should be completely and utterly His, but as I struggle through the questions of my purpose the more I realize my disobedience and self worship. My birthday is not about me. My birthday celebrates the birth of a vessel who carries Christ.
Tonight, I had my birthday party. Its unbelievable how I can walk into a room, feeling like the world is crumbling, and how Christ sustains me. People always say that I am so happy, and my smile and laugh are contagious. When on the inside I am so frightened they will see the pain, the ickiness of my flesh, and the pity I have for myself. This is when I know Christ was present and sustaining. This birthday was especially eye opening!
Here I am a world away from where I come from, but a part of me realizes I don't know that place anymore. Two years things change so much. Then, I look at the faces of students I have befriended and who watch me everyday to see how I live Christ out in my life. I see students throwing me parties, taking time from their families, and celebrating me with gifts, kind words, and love. Of course, these are all students whom I have an eternal investment in. I see their need as deeply as I see my own for Christ. In a way, this bonds us together like iron. Then, I look to Christ, and I always seem to say the same thing, "WHY DO YOU CALL ME TO LOVE LIKE THIS ONLY TO HAVE TO LEAVE OR BE LEFT?
An example is my friend Sam. I desire Him to have a personal relationship with Christ so much. In the past I have been talking to Sam about financial things always being especially sure to keep certain details out because as you know, I am not at full support, but to Spaniards this idea of support is so FOREIGN. I have a great desire to travel for the Holidays because to imagine being alone during this time makes me shudder. The only problem is, Financially, I am not seccure in traveling. So tonight, Sam gave me a gift for my birthday. He gave me a book and a card. He told me to wait to open the card until later. As I arrived home, I opened the card. Inside was a 50 Euro bill. THIS IS A STUDENT! A NON-CHRISTIAN! Who is now supporting my ministry! When I think of his life, and his generosity, I know it is a matter of time before He knows the one and only Father, and then I think, If my life purpose this year is for just Him, then everything is worth it!
So as I sit here, I rest in that. As I reflect on my life this last year I realize, It has always been about the people! The people I have met, the people who have touched my heart, and the people I try to touch theirs be it through laughing at their jokes being teachable or just listening, I was created for them. I was created to love others as Christ loves me. That is why birthdays exist not to celebrate ourselves but to celebrate another year of touching lives and loving people. As a result, no matter the pain or pity we might feel, we should never numb ourselves to calling of loving others. We should never self-protect because in the end its about the lives of others that is the most important. Not your own.
